Sometimes I wonder why I am who I am. If you know, feel free to share.

I would say, 'at the risk if being jinxed', but I'm referring to yesterday so there's no chance of that, luckily.
Pretty much, yesterday, for many reasons was one of the best days in forever. In fact this has the potential to be a good week, (though I'm reserving all judgment til Sunday), it it really has nothing to do with anything (specifically). Its more just a combination of good luck, and good people, and hey, mid sems might be next week, and I'm fairly certain they will be abysmal, but I couldn't care.

You made my week. With your company and just plain frankness in conversation. The jacket, yes helps, but you're company is worth that much more.

You made my week. You just know what to say. You always do, and although some things are just that bitchy, I really couldn't care, some things need to be said. Plus we all know I'm queen B.

You made my week. You feel like you can trust me. I feel the same. I honestly (with no offense intended) never thought it would be this easy.


You made my week. Just because you reminded me how similar we are. Can't wait til Friday! I'm sorry for breaking it, again. (words can never fix this, truly)


And you made my week. You took one of my overnight shifts. I'm not sure why, but thank-you none the less.

H.

Did you hear?


That pot just called the kettle black.


just blowing off some steam.


H.

"Failure is human destiny."

-le fabuleux destin d amelie poulaine

I used to use those same lines too. I can see what you're attempting to accomplish. Let me guess, you've finally realised that everything doesn't just stay the same, you have to be watching for the madness. And let me also guess, this realisation has been three months too late. (too bad you can't change it now)


As much as I can enjoy the action of holding an intellectual conversation with you, you must have realised by now that I can never take you completely seriously. When you bring up conversations that I have to grit my teeth through must give some indication?


I hear it said, I understand what it means, and I'm not sure where then line lies? Where's this distinction between being a good friend and taking advantage? Sometimes I think I should look closer into this. Though not at all with you, strangely. Double standards? Quite possibly.


You. Make. Me. Want. To. Exist. you actually care enough tell me nothing at all, just to let me know you're still there and know I am too.


And you! I'm missed your face. And still do.


I am actually quite annoyed at myself. I'm such a bitch to you, and I don't even know why you still want to be friends. I'm being the person I hated, and you're being me. Tell me to grow the fuck up already.


I can't believe you actually said that. You're taking advantage and you don't even know it. Jokes on you (though).




And here's me thinking you didn't even exist (any more)






H.

Or maybe that was meant to be trees?


can you ever truly know?
do we actually need a label?
should it be told?
could you still accept it?
would you still be there?
would you say 'I told you so', even in your head?
does it make any difference?


sometimes. things. just. happen.

there is no fate, we are who we are, guided by only our thoughts and actions. Don't blame the world, blame me. Though you should know it isn't chosen, but given.


H.

when it comes down to it, and life becomes just that busy and complicated, sometimes you've just got to go with it.

I am almost sorry I've been lax on the whole blogging thing lately, though in all fairness it spanned the whole spectrum of Internet paraphernalia. I guess the love-affair with the online addiction, the social medium thought to have consumed my whole reality is actually superfluous to this real world we can also exist in.

Although you could also argue that I've been absent from the real world too lately. And if you do happen to feel that way, its not something I chose. Sometimes things just need to take priority, and this month it seems to be work and uni and having enough ka-ching to be a fresh-food person, and of course that major life-goal. Not to mention tending to the sick and heart-broken. So even if you've only gotten a text or 4 from me, or an hour over breakfast early one morning, that's the best I can give for now, and just so you know, I've only seen my parents twice in the last month (even they're not immune).

like always though, I'll catch you on the flipside*. (and I do miss you)




H.




*hopefully sometime soon.

I forgot you existed, just temporarily.


Then I saw you existed, just temporarily.




H.

this is real.

These feelings have come back, although I have had a fucking shit week, it seems like there's more to this story.

I feel lonely, almost constantly. and despite my pathetic excuses owing to pathetic reasons as to why I've not changed this in the past 3 years, I don't see how now is any different? In fact I don't even have the time to talk to friends these days, so I don't know why any part of me thinks this would work.


H.

really?
I can see you're trying to be friendly and/or nice... but I've concluded that nothing you can say is going to change the fact that I've experienced life without putting up with this, and its fucking fantastic.


H.

You know what I just realised? the reason behind my happiness of late might have something to do with;

a) my impending departure! and;

b) the fact I haven't even thought of you in forever.

let the good times roll.




H.