...

Do you believe me when I look you in the face, and lie through my teeth? The strangers on the street can see through the words I say, why can't you? One of these days I'll have the guts to say it.

H.

...

I think, if you really knew me... you wouldn't need to read this blog. [and you know this already]

H.

...

You've got but one thing wrong though, I tried to make her stay, but it seemed nothing I could say would prevent her from leaving. And I have a fair idea it had nothing to do with you.

She doesn't see why you're writing those words. But then, I'd have thought it obvious. The pretence of the initial encouter even specified; 'you know, this is where you're obliged to take his side, I'm not going to hold it against you.' 

hmm. It seems I was a bit behind in melodramatic reading myself.

H.


b = 0

...

people always end up finding out, always.


H.

...


YOU ARE AWESOME.in every sense of the word.


H.

...

you know what? I have my cake; and I'm eating it too.

H.

...

you know what? Life would be so much easier if we didn't have to sleep. :|

H.

...
"I know that I shouldn't let it get to me,
But it does and who am I kidding?"


J.

...

Dear Santa;


Could you please spare one 1997 Toyota Celica, preferably black with a sunroof.


Cheers,

H.


But seriously... I wish I had a car. :|

Let me make this clear, I don't wish I had money to buy a car, because well I've gotten to that stage already. But the effort it takes to find one which you like for the right price that's not an hour drive away just to look at it... oh the effort involved.

...
Today is the 23rd of December. It was rather hot today.

This morning I got up at 7.43am, after previously setting my alarm for 7.20am. This initial 20-minute delay to the start of my day, whilst enjoyable at the time, annoyed me greatly. Hit the coffee machine espresso PRONTO and barista-ed one short mac.  The next 2 hours of my time were spent wrapping the cristmas puddings I had made the day earlier, and gathering all the required items for the exciting events of today. Ensuring adequate supplies for the day ahead is always essential; AND time consuming at such moments of ones morning.

At exactly 9.41am, with the hairstraighter flciked back into the 'off' position, the house was departed and the green car set off down Ferntree Gully Road. With the shiny new red 'P' plate displayed, arrival to number 37 was already 23 minutes behind schedule. Further delaying time, the busy intersection of Mountain HWY and Boroinia Rd, combined with Wantirna Rd provided an extra obstacle when one turns the wrong way TWICE. Several loops around maccas later, number 31 30 36 was reached.

RINGWOOD. BOX HILL. BURWOOD EAST. MOUNT WAVERLEY. MOUNT WAVERLEY. MOUNT WAVERLEY CHADSTONE. CHADSTONE. MOUNT WAVERLEY. OAKLEIGH. CLAYTON. WESTALL. MOUNT WAVERLEY. VERMONT SOUTH. BURWOOD. MOUNT WAVERLEY. CHADSTONE.

So we drove halfway to westall and I gave up, mostly because we ran out of time. Delivered cordz back to her house, then over to lunch, rushed down to nathan, transfered money to a broke paolo, and hit the shops in search of a park. less than 5 minutes looking [and about 4 corrections later] I managed to get 'shiela' into a spot, just.

with minutes to spare, and handy pre-bought tickets, AVATAR. in 3D. Coles escapade whilst waiting for ms Yianis and her forgotten scones, revealed coke 2 for $5.80 and chomp bars 4 for $2. Naturally this sale opportunity couldn't be passed. Turns out than Nathan texted me to get him a drink, so its LUCKY i was being generous and bought one for him anyway... :P

you know what. This is incerdibly boring to type. and the same goes for you to read. I can't believe people I used to write blogs like this...



H.

...

there have been things, written across these days, desperate to appear on this here scene. The will [or lack there of]; the effort- to fix the fixable, prevented more than mere snippets of life every now and again... we steal those fleeting moments in dark corners when we know they are watching, and come daylight pretend its all a dream. Have you woken up yet? the tent's packed up and the lights returned to their boxes; and yet nothing. The day I'd been waiting all year for- came and past like any other day. This disappoints me somewhat. Expectations are funny things, you know. whatever trevor.


The news; [the abridged series.]
- merry 18th to emily/sally/laura/callum/brigid/keiren/james/arman/vicky.
- merry19th to byron.
- happy 25th of December.
- 'there was something written here originally....' [that was important to me, you should have known it so.]
- double standards occur daily.
- today I was Santa. Cordz was my elf/rudolf. even with the red nose I got lost on Boroinia Rd.
- freedom tastes sweeter than you think. [but costs 118.9c/L]
- EDGAR! [I shall post a photo when I have one acceptable.]
- I decided my future.
- I decided.
- Can you even decide something like that?
- 17th - 8.78am / 5.45pm
- 18th - 6.98am / 2.32pm
- 19th - 2.12am / 1.85pm
- 20th - 5.00am/pm
- 21th - 2.12am / 8.75 pm


in a while crocodile.


H.


PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.
PS. I told you so.

...

Funny moment of yesterday;


22/12/2009 10:53 pm - Chadstone Shopping Centre [Peter Alexander]


First time I've ever been into this particular store; and I had no clue what I was looking at [xmas shopping you see]...

*stands near pile of assorted tank tops looking for a Medium size*


Ben [wearing boardies and a random Tee]: You know what... I think I'll wait outside... I feel awkward standing in here... at least you're dressed like you'd shop in here!
Harry: Fine whatever...
Random Customer: Excuse me.. but I was just looking for thi...
Harry: Oh, sorry.. I don't actually work here...
Random Customer: Oh.. er.. sorry..






so wearing jeans a shirt and thongs make you look like you work in a pyjamas store now...


H.

Why is the line for dessert at a buffet restaurant always the longest?

One night and one more time, thanks for the memories.

Oh btw, i never got around to making a pineapple costume.

...

and when you sigh like that... you make it sound like the world's coming to an end...


The day's reflection upon what should have been, served no purpose but to delve further into life's mysteries. When those rare dreams surface; depicting an ugly separation from the path of what's commonly known, is it perhaps then, not a nightmare; but a sign of something which must be done?

I say the words I do; and despite being true to their meaning; the full picture is often not completely conveyed- if at all. You say to me those throwaway lines about happiness, and yet, they're still just that; throwaway lines. I tried once upon a time, to make things right; happy; the way it should be, only to discover the pointlessness of it all.

and maybe it is...

A fickle fortune you may well say; but one I brought upon myself. To deny the truth of the realms below is simply the naivety shining through your sentences. Stop. Read no further. Or do.

You know; of all the people to sit there; crying down that crossed line; about what they wished the world to be, your problems are the least trivial of them all. I get you- then and now. Maybe you don't see it, you can't be blamed, but take a long hard look at me; and you'd see yourself sitting there staring back.


the lights are going off in this room; and in my head.

H.

...

'You have qualified for the VCE'

I know they say this is not supposed to decide the rest of my life... but yeah. disappointment is kind of overwhelming right about now. Its not as if I can say I gave my all... because you know that I didn't.

27 + 27 + 32 + 32 + 33 + 34 = 86.60


Do not tell me this isn't bad. Do not say it doesn't matter. This matters to me.

You know whats kinda annoying, it turns out that I didn't do that badly in Spesh and/or Japanese, raw studies of 27 for both, and yet English seems my downfall at just 34, despite average all year. :| So essentially I ended up with 6 out of 6 subjects in the thirties, which isn't so much of a problem, but if you look at the maths side of things, I could really have done one less subject, focused all that time on another, and gotten a better in result. But then, that assumes that I'm even capable of that.

You know whats even better? Remember Methods; that subject last year which I thought I did horribly in... well that came in at number 2 spot [right after the compulsory english] followed closely by chemistry, Japanese [YES I KNOW RIGHT... IN MY PRIMARY FOUR!?] with extras as Specialist and Cert 3. And now I hear you say; What about that economics? didn't even get a mention.

Well hello Ballarat.

H.


PS. you can start judging me now.

...
"I love how we're back where we started..."





J.

...
keywords: with care.

keywords: DO NOT.




J.

...
why?

I wish I had answers.





J.

...

You know what?... actually no. never mind. its not like you'd care anyway.


[This is the spot where I would have uploaded some thoughtful photograph, if I could have been bothered showing it to you...]

H.

...

If the muffled instructions, strategic silences and seemingly pointless negotiations are anything to go by, it looks like war has been declared. Somehow, the line between here and the end still escapes me.

I can't tell which side is winning, either.
Right now, it looks like we're destined to be losers, caught in a forever of vying for justification truth validation.

Twenty-six minutes to fix things.
It's times like these I wonder if miracles do happen.
It was supposed to be a compromise.
Instead it made us weak.

Would you rather die or admit you were wrong?

Fuck this. I'm sick of it. I'm out of things to say.

It's about as reckless as CRASH CRASH.

Eight.
I guess this is where we part then. (who?)



J.


4 minutes is all you need to save the world, or that's what they'd have us believe anyway.

H.


Saving the world and trying to stop it from crashing into you are two very different things. One unlikely, the other inevitable.

J.

...

So I'm somehow homeless walking along the streets of Mt Waverley, when I steal an electric saucepan [yeah i dunno what they are either] from Retrovision, in which I managed to heat up left-over spaghetti sauce [which I got from who knows where] behind a football stadium [despite the fact I didn't plug it in] in which they played American Football but with food [once again, no idea how this would work], all under the direction from India. After which we decided to go to an almost identical stadium in Oakleigh, which played the same game, but with desert instead...

Yeah I'm cool.

H.

...



H.

We all have those quiet places, to sit and think about the man in the sky.

H.

...









trains and solving machines....


you won't catch me around here...


H.

...



H.

Fact of today: turning off the light doesn't render shadows non-existent; it merely makes them that much harder to see.

Although, sometimes the only solution is to fool ourselves.


J.

...

relax.

H.

...

damn.
I did it again.
The scenic railway is clattering around the tracks once more.
How delightful.
Don't forget to smile for the photograph.

H.

...

PS. Letter-writing is cool. 

H.

...


why does life always end with all your worldly possessions written on a bit of paper; mailed to the people you used to know, for them to fight over who gets what?

You may achieve greatness in life; but once you die, well you're dead- so who cares anyway? And if that greatness conflicts, and what they say is true, well it may just have consequences anyway.

Who invented the Condom? Well I shouldn't think Mr(s). Condom would be veiwed too highly in the eyes of HIM and the church, and yet he/she has saved countless from the plague of AIDS and the barrage of other STI's.

Yeah that's right; I'm talking about a contraceptive, AND this is not awkward.

But seriously...?

H.

...

Answer;

a) 15 Years.
b) 15 Months
c) 15 Weeks
e)15 Days
f)15 Hours



H.

...

Do you read between the lines of everything I say too? Maybe you should someday; it may just prove insightful.

H.

...
Here I sit upon this chair,
all bound up in thoughts of dispair.
But the message came and went,
these young fragile lives; already spent.

When the clocks rang out,
and the longing turned to a shout,
those 25 cent pockets of gold,
keep grasp of dear hearts they hold.

The wheels gound down those tired old tracks,
laden with bags of full yellow sacks,
the blue realms down down below,
where treacherous thoughts did sew.

and the day, fresh once more,
held little more to settle such score,
the insanity of all it is,
yields little than this short quiz,

and here we are, this chair again;
thinking about the moment when,
my world will crash and burn once more,
and see everything tumbling to the ground.


H.

...
Is there anyone out there who is listening?

The point of these words has quickly escaped, leading to the realisation that the worth of writing probably isn't sufficient anyway.

The truth didn't work, so lies were the only answer. Such is life; always.


H.

There is a reason why I love now. And you should know by now why.

...



when is silence awkward? the strangest thing; it was, and then it wasn't. You're supposed to be the one with whom all awkwardness as gone, and yet it came back.

AND YOU!? why is it not so, when it seriously should be.


H.


PS typing with one hand is way cool.

...

welcome to the yes time club.

H.