One by one, they all shuffle off into the distance. Step after step, further away, waiting for that day, for which the return ticket will be validated. Sam, Simon, Edward, Terrance, Frank, Francis, Charlie, Marco, Requiem. The names we gave, in desperate attempts to fool ourselves into believing we have friends. The friends we used to have, once upon a time.

But when the day came and went, the crowed 'oohed' and 'ahhed', and bell tolled its final chime, that dust settled to make it known; the desolation. That lonely figure standing in the vastness of nothing, alone.

Hindsight; the all-knowing wisdom of this world. If only...

The saga began a long long time ago, in a world far far away, the troubled mind to which first bore witness, has long accepted that fate its been dealt; it's just textbook stuff- it's the A-B-C of growing up. This time will be long remembered. It has seen the end of this, and will soon see the end of the everything fighting? It's ok by me, it was a long time ago. Speeding cars. Paused games of life. Say goodnight and go? Maybe. Though we both know, that's not really good for the show.

Where are we? What the hell is going on? The dust has only just began to fall; crop circles in the carpet. Sinking feeling. This can't be happening. When busy streets; a mess with people would stop to hold their heads heavy; hide and seek.

The sweeping insensitivity of this, still alive. Blood and tears, they were here first. That you only meant well? Of course you did. Its all for the best? Of course it is. Ransom notes keep falling out my mouth, newspaper cut-outs. hide and seek. You don't care a bit.

I've been here before; I've seen this room, I've walked this floor. It's cold and its broken. Whats really going on below the surface? Now we never show that.

People change. This is me now. I wasn't going to wait for you. Deal with it me.
Please.

I never had to say goodbye
You must have known I wouldn't stay
While you were talking about our life
You killed the beauty of today

Forever and ever
LIfe is now or never
Forever never comes around

You never heard me break your heart
You didn't wake up when we died
Since I was lonely from the start
I think the end is mine to write

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever never comes around
People love and let go
Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

You'll never see me again
So now
woh's gonna cry for you
You'll never see me again
No matter what you do
You'll never see me again
So now woh's gonna cry for you
You'll
never see me again
No matter what you do

I never had to say goodbye
You must have known I wouldn't stay
While you were talking about our
life
You killed the beauty of today

Forever and ever
Life is now
or never
Forever never comes around
People love and let go
Forever
and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

You'll never see me again
So now woh's gonna cry for you
You'll
never see me again
No matter what you do
You'll never see me again
So now woh's gonna cry for you
You'll never see me again
No matter
what you do

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever never
comes around

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's
gonna slow you down

You'll never see me again
So now woh's gonna cry
for you
You'll never see me again
No matter what you do
You'll never
see me again
So now woh's gonna cry for you
You'll never see me again
No matter what you do

Forever and ever
Life is now or never
Forever's gonna slow you down

PS; This has nothing to do with my mood, etc. Just this week's song. :)

And i said i'd never buy gift cards. :|

Fifty four.

Roses are red,
violets are blue,
there goes my future,
economics; i choose you.

If only it was always this obvious.

sometimes this blog feels like its just for you. the conversation we can't have. but still do. like the criptic twitter messages sent, which you didn't get, these words mostly mean nothing [to you]. this does not refer to you. you think its you, but it really isn't.

Did you notice? I tried. [and failed]. the goodbye-less departure, from me, from there, and here. the line was crossed last summer, but slowly we're working our way back. or maybe that line's just being moved?

like a freshly cooked french fry, its great at first, and even better a minute later. but 3 minutes down the track, you're left with a salty mush of potatoe, drinking anything to flush it out of your system.

like a cat and a magpie, the chase is on form the beginning, the magpie out-manouvering the cat, until it sneaks up behind; JUMPS!, grabs, devours, and wins by 70-odd points.

8.09am. Fuck. Late. Shower. Hair. Run. 623. 8:44am. school. Spesh. UG. fail. question 4. markless. breakfast. Shim. Pancakes. Bacon. Eggs. IGA. Snakes. Japanese. Listening. Natori and his obento business. washitsu. hangman. fail. 46-letter alphabet. lunch. val tick. revision book. careers. CSP BONDED. Economics. Arrow table. Hangman. MICROECONOMIC REFORM. finish. morris. question four, marked. UGE. :):). PASS. The rebellion Begins. HP. print. poster print. glue. yearbook. memory stick. forgotten. bus. missed. 4.23. caught. 4.54 home. schoolies. BAD. ring. BAD. look. BAD. ring. Jaz. Movies. Plans. Shower. Straightener. Clothes. Shoes. RUN. Oakleigh. 4 min. Flinders Direct. 6.27pm. Red White Black Red Blue Red White Black Red White Black. Southgate. La Camera. Fettucini al pollo scilliana. Gnocchi alla napoli. Lemon. Lime. Bitters. Vodka Citron. :).EUREKA! (tower). Lights. Skydeck. 88floor. 38 seconds. 9m/s. MCG. $11. Flinders Stn. Vodaphone. WASTEFUL ENERGY. The Ugly Truth (y). Crown. Choctop. Popcorn. Coke Zero. 96 Min. $14. 8.45pm. E10-E11. Maccas. Cone. Apple Pie. Skinny Latte. Walk. Tram. 86 East Brunswick. Southern Cross. VLINE NOW DEPARTING. Glen waverley train. 9 minutes. Platfrom 10. Flagstaff. Central. Todd&GF. Parliament. Richmond. RED WHITE BLACK RED WHITE BLACK RED WHITE BLACK blue. Sing. Song. Marching. Harmonica. how's xxx? They're fine. still friends with him? yes. Did i just say that? Do i mean that? Yes. Jordie. Home. 12.01 Work. 7am. 6 hours. FUCK.

My undergraduate preferences are:

1. 28251 Medicine/Surgery (Monash University, Clayton, F/T) (Type: CSP)
2. 38051 Biomedicine (University Of Melbourne (The), Parkville, F/T, P/T) (Type:
CSP)
3. 28681 Biomedical Science/Economics (Monash University, Clayton, F/T,
P/T) (Type: CSP)
4. 28161 Biomedical Science (Monash University, Clayton,
F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
5. 21721 Biomedical Science (La Trobe University,
Bundoora, F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
6. 28371 Economics (Monash University,
Clayton, F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
7. 28571 Commerce/Economics (Monash
University, Clayton, F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
8. 38101 Commerce (University Of
Melbourne (The), Parkville, F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
9. 32821 Economics &
Finance (RMIT University, City, F/T) (Type: CSP)
10. 37041 Biomedical
Science (University Of Ballarat, Mount Helen, F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
11. 38271 Science (University Of Melbourne (The), Parkville, F/T, P/T) (Type: CSP)
12. 37401 Commerce (University Of Ballarat, Mount Helen, F/T, P/T) (Type:
CSP)

So I finally decided. :)

Apple -> New Ipod Nano now in 5 New Colours!
MCC -> RE; Finals ticket Allocation
Frontier Touring -> Them Crooked Vultures to tour australia.
Chadstone The Fas...-> Win a New Pair Of SHoes!
... - > ...
Apple -> Ipod Nano. New Features. New Price
Geelong Cats - > Blue &White 14 September 2009
The KellyCo Group - > Payslip
Geelong Cats -> Finals Update


How the words of your existence try to hid themselves amongst the rubbish.
The virtual confrontation.
Doesn't have the same effect now does it?
How about that shouting match we were meant to have?
Tomorrow recess sound good?
When does that term come to relevance? Friendship. How ambiguous.
I take back what I said. We're not friends. [Fingers crossed?]
Take four. lets hope this lasts.


'I just winced on the inside when you said the three of us.'
Don't feel like you need a reason to call me.
It doesn't [always] take 22 minutes .
The method in this mad world, trial, and in the end sleep is the only remedy.


You know what?
I hate that I care so much. Things would be so much easier if I believed what I said to start with. None of this compromise shit.

The starship is coming. How much for a return ticket?


'WTF' when so little can encompass so much.

Welcome, Peter Tan [and you], to the fellowship.

I'm not who you think.

Cord
Jaz
Jan
Indie
Shim
Jam
Nathan
Kat
Ev
F
Even him

These beings make me who i am. The combined wisdom in your collective words shine through the darkness. Always hold me accountable. Never let me forget that.

Made the toast,
Burnt the eggs,
Never got the hang of them,
Just another other day.

Caught the
bus,
Forgot the change,
Looks like I'll be late again,
Hopefully
they won't complain.

My lifes so pitiful,
Give me one good reason
why I shouldn't end it all,
If there's a reason then I haven't found it yet.

And I'll try every drug I find,
Except maybe heroin and cyanide,
But theres a reason I just can't afford it yet.
Oh, its just another
overdose

Went to work,
Saw you there,
But you never seem to
care,
For a single thing I say.

I set the clock and went to sleep,
This anxiety I keep,
Through another fucking day.

(Looks like
that's all today i'm dying)

My lifes so pitiful,
Give me one good
reason why I shouldn't end it all,
If there's a reason then I haven't found
it yet.

And I'll try every drug I find,
Except maybe heroin and
cyanide,
But theres a reason I just can't afford it yet.

Oh, its
just another overdose.

My life's so pitiful..
Pitiful..
Pitiful..
Pitiful..
Pitiful..

My lifes so pitiful,
Give
me one good reason why I shouldn't end it all,
If there's a reason then I
haven't found it yet.

And I'll try every drug I find,
Except maybe
heroin and cyanide,
But there's a reason I just can't afford it yet.

Well my life's so pitiful.

My life's so pitiful.
My life's so
pitiful.
I'm dying.

There is something you should understand. These past 6 months, I always thought that somehow, things might fix themselves. What was that saying? Time heals all? This is where you're expecting me so say that 'now I don't'. But I'm not going to. Something in the back of my mind still wants there to be hope. Life is worthless without it after all. But every little thing, or big thing, makes that hope become less and less a reality, and more an unrealistic perception of this world.

I could act tough, and say I don't care, it didn't hurt, its the premise not the action for which I hold you accountable. Again, I'm not going to, I know you can see through that. But, then the premise, and that eternal 'why?' is always the more important. If that hardest question cannot be overcome, the 'what?' shall be for ever repeated.

Why would you, could you, feel the need to do that? I could even support the argument, if the end justifies the means but I fail to realise what it established. Sure, to get back at me, I get that, but surely then, you would have told me, and felt glee in the anguish that swept across my face. That even sounds like something I would do.

Tell me something, is this better? Do you prefer everyone knowing the intricate details of everything? Drawing attention to me, you, this.

You know me, you know the petty stubborn me. The in the moment person I am. Perhaps I'm over-reacting to life in general. What was it? Being melodramatic. That moment is just so overwhelming, consuming, nothing else but the current skewed objective comes to mind.

This is not what I intended, but life never ends how you want it to anyway. I think its about time we talked. This has gone on long enough. When you're ready, you know where I'll be waiting.

All around me are familiar faces
Worn out places
Worn out faces
Bright and early for the daily races
Going no where
Going no where
Their tears are filling up their glasses
No expression
No expression
Hide my head I wanna drown my sorrow
No tomorrow
No tomorrow
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Children waiting for the day they feel good
Happy birthday
Happy birthday
And I feel the way that every child should
Sit and listen
Sit and listen
Went to school and I was very nervous
No one knew me
No one knew me
Hello teacher tell me what's my lesson
Look right through me
Look right through me
And I find it kind of funny
I find it kind of sad
The dreams in which I'm dying are the best I've ever had
I find it hard to tell you
I find it hard to take
When people run in circles its a very very
Mad world
Mad world
Enlarging your world
Mad world

This is the real thing
Love changes everything
This is night when every heart's exploding
The real thing
Slow down; it's happening
'Cause you got time to burn
In the heat of the moment
That summer radio
Fireworks off the patio
3 AM, string of green lights in a row
And the real thing
Love can change anything
If you can just let go
Let's go

Boys Like Girls

I'm not sure if you guys ever saw that Telstra ad on TV about the 5 numbers you call free or whatever, [actually wait.. i shall see if youtube has it..... nup can't find it] anyway the main premise of the ad is this guy goes to some party and does the usual round saying hello to everyone, but sees a closer friend who points up, from which it cuts to the roof of the building where there's 5 people sitting around chatting, who are obviosuly closer friends...

The main point of this long-winded blog, is that whenever I saw that I always imagined you[ yes you [all] know who you are] sitting there. Again not really getting to the point, which is ultimately I'll make friends with other people, but I'll always be wishing you were there.

EDIT; Sixteen days to fix things, yet its been 131 and little has changed.

Maybe things weren't meant to be.


Cancer Saggitarius, thats my star sign.



Why can I not be honest to people, only in this ambiguos state. Today I lied. It was about you. some of it anyway. I'm sorry I don't have the courage to tell you. How Hypocritcal.]

In other news; some toss-pot left an unwelcome present on one of the tables at work. And yes, it is what you think it is. WHY ARE PEOPLE SO FERRAL!?

Quote of today;

A: OMG that person just ordered a double cheeseburger without the cheese!

B: WOW! so thats like a double burger then?

Maybe it was just one of those things which are funny at the time...

A: So I've finally come to the realisation, which I knew would happen anyway, that life will continue on, as if nothing had ever happened. It was kind of always inevitable anyway, so meh.

B: Some people get so caught up in who they are, and what they're trying to achieve, they forget. Forget that at the end of life when they've made all that money they'll want someone to share it with. Forget that they are not alone in their quest for greatness, and that many people are travelling on the same boat.

C1: On the other hand, it would be wise for some people to realise that they are not the only one to have my friendship, so should not only rely on my companionship solely for their existance.

C2: would it actually kill you to have an attention span greater than a goldfish?

C3: how about thinking of someone other than yourself for a change?

D: respect. Not towards me, but in general. This world needs more.

E: Can I not just be me for just one second? Is that too much to ask? Why should I have to change myself to fit your world?

F: Blood is definately thicker than water.

G: Would you feel happier if I just left you to it? Sometimes I feel this is true. That, my friend, is part of the reason you've been searching for.

H: guessing is really of no use. False assumptions and wrong interpretation can only make things worse. So don't.

I: Don't like what you see? Delete feed subscription. Simple.

J: and another thing. Do you feel good confiscating my scarf ten minutes before the end of the day? You act all high and mighty in that VCE centre of yours, but face reality; you're not even a teacher. You have zero life prospects left. Get over your dismal career, and stop taking it out on others. Its not our fault you ended up as an administrator at a public school.

K: end of rant.

H.

Cyanide & Happiness @ Explosm.net

Happy Fathers Day Dad; :)

Today is yet another reminder of how quickly the world can change.

The fluidity of life, like i gentle steam, can provide a false calm before the waterfall, and before you know it, you're at the ocean.

So a few blogs ago I mentioned context, and whether it was necessary to convey a point.

Thinking further, this theme could also be applied to music; if we knew why a song was written, then there's a more likely chance of the understanding the full intended message. This is a given. But does a lack of context, not mean that music is completely open to interpretation? Specifically dealing with the 'classical' genre, much of the written score is widely open to interpretation, both when recreating and listening, which in most instances create more thought provoking ideas over the obvious. Why should we limit our thinking into only hearing what we are to be expected to?

However, it is important to note that context or not, the essential message is the same. Classical music is never going to be heavy metal for instance. So do we get more out of recognising intention through context, or through creating our own reality?

'HBDPTFH'

I love the way this appears so unfortunate, in need of a speedy resolution to so many newcomers. Reality is though, this is not new, and such I share no such feeling any more.

Further more, the proof is really in the pudding, and maybe, just maybe, that speedy resolution is around the corner. maybe.


People change and forget to tell each other.