It's gonna be a long long journey
It's gonna be an uphill climb
It's gonna be a tough fight
It's gonna be some lonely nights
But I'm ready to carry on
I'm so glad the worst is over
I can start living now,
I feel like I can do anythin'


I told myself I'd retire this. I told her I wouldn't write this.


There's some sort of closure I can't seem to find, without writing something here.


I just don't know.


and I guess I never will.

There are some (little) things which just make my day. I've been trying to compile a list of those small moments  but usually they're forgotten as soon as they pass. If you've ever watched Amelie from [some French city starting with Montmarter...(I don't remember now)], think of the opening dialogue; 'This is Amile, she enjoys...(Its been that long I also don't remember any of those things now. I should watch it again.)'.

Today's moment, well actually there's been a few today, so today's most recent moment occurred while taxi-ing down runway 33L at Sydney international. Without going into so much detail, the take off was rather rushed due to curfew's and delays (follow the full story on twitter), and when we finally did get the confirmation that we were indeed heading to Avalon tonight, spontaneous applause erupted, half in thanks to the efficient crew, half in a congratulatory self appreciation in our own collective efforts in the hasty boarding.

Long story short, spontaneous applause is (yet another) one of those life reassuring moments.

With an unrequited love
When your passion’s exultation,
Finding refuge is not enough


It strikes me that sometimes you unnecessarily need to compete. I don't have a problem with this, or you, I just wonder about the implications for you in the long-run.

No matter what you say, I can think how I like, and what I like. Sometimes the concept of personal space is lost.

You're throwing around the L-word like there's no tomorrow, despite me making it clear things were never going to happen. And (then) still you claim your intentions are not what they seem.


Oh, memories, where’d you go?
You were all I’ve ever known.
How I miss yesterday
And I let it fade away

H.

Socrates thought that no one could possibly be happy if they acted against their better judgement. And he who knows how to achieve happiness will do so. Therefore, he who knows what is right will do right. Because why would anybody choose to be unhappy?

       - Sophie's World


PS. Where's the yellow brick road when you need one?


J.

The past seems to be catching up with me more often these days.

Sometimes I stop and think what life would have, could have been like if things turned out differently. I look back through old photos from yesteryear, knowing that being seventeen again will never be possible, but longing to be there once more none-the-less. I know at the time I called life's bluff by declaring those years a write-off, and that memories tend to garner a somewhat nostalgic view, but I can't help look back longingly at how easy everything seemed, way back when.

I take a trip down memory lane only to discover myself happy.

I guess you don't really take photo's on unhappy occasions, but seeing album upon album from high-school, and particularly all those laughs at maccas really only serves to highlight how unstable I was back then (for not seeing how good things really were). It's strange to see myself smiling comfortably next to someone I haven't even thought about in several years, wondering if I'm ever going to speak to them again.

H.

The thing is, you make me happy. But I'm not about to go walking around like our mansion is built for more than the purpose of self guiding. I'm not sure why, but I'll always be a slightly different monkey, and as much as it would be convenient (and mother's day would have come oh so early) I could never see that happening. love flows, none-the-less.

For never was a story of more woe
Than this of Juliet and her Romeo



H.

I'm not sure why I told you anything. I almost regret it, but at the same time I am glad I did. You've got to know, daylight never stops this master from working his magic (lulz), and the harsh light of day usually helps to justify such situations. Today I can't. But who's to say anything?

Can't you see now why there's an apparent need to set other boundaries, because if this whole thing turns out with the wrong team winning the grand final, some of these Geelong players will be a little bit more than hurt.  Say what you will about things said, short letters written, I'm still all for playing it safe.




H.

and yet, I manage to fucking do it again. Always with the ignorant conversation heading down the realms of places best avoided, and only realising once it's too late. Only took 24 hours this time. New record?


H.

defying augury and deciding whether ’tis nobler in the mind to suffer, comes infrequently these days. I miss this part of you, and me, and us. Sometimes water under the bridge, is just that. Without it, said bridge is rather pointless anyway.


H.

This is me (now).

Looking back on yourself through the narrow lens of your unforgotten memories, and what actually happened are usually two different things, I've found. I (now) can see why this is how it is. Thanks for the memories, even though they weren't so great.




H.