you don't get to know that...

where's the fun if I just gave you all the answers?

surely you'd rather find the meaning of life out for yourself?

or maybe not.

H.

Ps. have I told you how much I love you lately? Strictly in a friendship-platonic way... of course...

and of course the irony is that everyone in Geelong thinks I'm in Melbourne, and everyone in Melbourne thinks I'm in Geelong.


H.

A person who stands for nothing spends their whole life sitting. Though I get tired, I need to sit down sometimes.

H.

You know, at the end of the day, this all comes back to jealousy. I can't help it, and I don't know why. I thought I outgrew all this shit, but the simple fact that I assess the state of my life in comparison to you, is a testiment to how untrue that is. Why I can't just be grateful for what I have, I don't think I'll ever have an answer to.

The stupid little petty things, like how many facebook friends you have, how long has it been since someone posted on your wall, or even just how often people talk to you.

And the thing that most shits me off, is not the fact that I could never win, but the fact you don't even have to try. I spend my whole life trying to please people, you don't even bother making up excuses for not putting in the effort, and yet everyone still would choose you over me anyday.

Life afterall is just one big popularity contest I suppose.

Its times like these (circa 3am) I wonder why I chose to do this... the world said NO, but I ignored everything in my usual fashion, and now I'm here, destined to fail (at life).  This hole just gets deeper and deeper everyday, and I'm beginning to become weary of all the digging.

maybe its time for bed. maybe its time for a holiday. maybe its time to end these 12-hour days at uni. actually I lie. Its more like 14 now. no wonder I'm fucking tired of hearing about RBCs, disease and pedigrees.

on the up-side, just like the shopping centres and casinos, here, no view of day (or night) can be seen, the false sense of timelessness providing false illusions to all the last minute studiers.


H.

Remember that day, when there was nothing left to burn, so we had to set ourselves on fire?


H.

Like seriously though, this has been a bitch of a week.


H.

You know, I'm not [entirely] sure I should have shown you, and I'm not even sure why I did? 

H.


p.s the sailor's hat was me showing my 'on the high seas' costume to Jaz. Nothing to do with anything.

"says he who just discovered the library!"




J.

Sometimes, I find myself wondering why I set myself up to feel this way. Sure, its pretty sucky, but why do I care? So I say things that get ignored? Thats life, yeah?

But then the thing is, it costs me at least $30 and three hours of my time to even think about seeing you, even brushing off newer, more convenient friendships to 'make the effort', and so I find myself wondering why I put up with it?

Sure, the fact that I moved away in the first place really makes the extra effort my problem, and the other half of this sentence was going to involve the 'but' clause, however its sinced occured to me that there really isn't any precedence.

Despite all of this, my characterisation of 'friendship' still relies proportionally on my perception of your 'effort', in my own opinion at least. And so its now when I'm lying in the darkened Melbournian bedroom I'm thinking that perhaps I should just drive back to Geelong, but then it makes the whole 'effort' of coming back for nothing, not that this is all that unusual.