wait whaaaat?
who am i in that sentence ?
you or me ?

I'm sorry for this blog, and I know its somewhat hypocritcal... still..

Ok so if we live in Australia we speak English, and by speak, I mean speak correctly.

We do NOT do good in Tests. We do WELL. Conversly, we also do NOT do/go bad in tests, we preform badLY. The only way one could ever do good, is when 'good' is referred to as the noun. As in 'I wanted to do some good in this cruel world, so I fed the homeless'.

Similarily, me and Cordz are NOT friends, however, Cordz and I most definately are.

And so, whenever I hear the phrase, 'LIKE omg, i want so bad on that english test.' all I can say is well obviously. Get with it already.

Ever have those moments when it feels like your whole life is falling apart, crumbling at your feet as you shuffle towards the end? When all you can do is just sit, waiting for the inevitable.

But why?

I always ask this question, and to a degree I know; I understand the irrational thinking behind my twisted logic. And yet, these cycles continue, each time the reoccuring depression feels as raw and new as ever.

Success is what drives me. So it is reasonable to assume then, its my lack of it which brings these feelings on.

So i tried to take the train + tram to st kilda, but alas connex deemed it too troublesome to run trains on the Pakenham/Cranbourne line once again. So the tram ought to be taken from Caulfield instead.

And so it is, sitting here on the number 3a as it clatters down Balaclava street. I think Yarra Trams got it right. There is something to love about these graffiti-signed metal boxes.

The sound of the grinding wheels as it rounds the tight corner past Caulfield station, the 'bzz' of the fading electric bell when destination is reached, the clattering self-importance as the driver hurries along the tracks, only to stop a few yards further down the road, and the tick of the automated sign scrolling across the route description.

Or maybe though, its the way the white and green... isn't so white anymore. The way those fading green seats are so worn down that the yellow foam starts to show, the the lights flicker as the pantograph passes the join in the overhead wires.

But then again, its probably the culmination of the journey its self. The mentioned elements in their entireity. The little mobile community trundling along the realms of suburbia, spitting you out as you reach your destination.....

'she knew my name... some of my friends don't even know my name...'

Sometimes I feel this is true.

The thing that guides us, determines our existence. Also an entity which grasps us, takes us by the throat and slaps us in the face. No matter what we do, we can't escape it. The unstoppable machine ever marching on into the future, never once looking back, leaving nothing to dwell on, taking us all for the ride.

Coincidentally today is my brother's 20th birthday. twenty. two zero. a day when, i decided to look for pictures from my 5th birthday. and discovered oh so much more. Oh how me, you, and the world, has changed, for the better? I'm not one to judge. But what I can be sure of, those memories I hold close to me, can never be relived, lost forever, but for the 6 by 4 snapshots of smiling toothless faces, stupid homemade Easter bunny hats, and of course those many Christmas costumes.

Also somewhere in one of the many photo albums, right between 'Ben's 2nd Birthday' and "Pa's 60th" were a few simple words, written in such obvious joy, it gave me all the evidence I needed. The proof that this world wanted me here after all;

HARRISON HUGHES,

19/12/1991 - 2.804Kg

What do you do, when you ask the girl you've had a crush on for like forever out, and they take it the wrong way and think you're just going out as friends?

So I just spent the last hour and a half going back though time... via the 'photo's of me' thingo on facebook. How I wish it was last december, when everything was good. When life was good. When I was actually happy.

In fact no, I just wish it was anytime but now.

Those little things, mere pixels on a computer screen, oh how they can torment you with lost memories, friendships, and the people you used to know.

Time brings change. Change of circumstance; personality; likabilty, oh and my hair seems to have grown a bit too. :P

As, far as seasons go, why is winter always shunned?

Beside the point though, because this blog has nothing to do with that. So this is the blog I was going to write 8 days ago. But now, it doesn't seem so relevant. None-the-less, the main theme of that blog would have been the 'epic-ness' of SURGE camp [and more specifically the people there].

The existence of the higher being has however, been questioned recently. Sure, I'm completely a science and evolution kinda guy, but when your exposed to the sheer passion two-hundred people have towards someone, something, they have no clear evidence of, you do have to stop and think.

So why go?

Well I'm not sure entirely. But I know he had nothing to do with it. Ms Foo and myself have been friends now for what seems forever, yet there was this whole other side, a whole different aspect of her life i knew nothing about. And now, I have but a glimpse of that other side.

In other news; the place of learning must be returned to tomorrow. However, the work associated with returning to that place has yet to be completed. I shall deal with that hurdle when it comes. On a side note, I just remembered about Symph tomorrow morning. Pity I haven't practised in two weeks. [ironically the background music to 'Dirty Harry' the sunday night movie, is an overbreathed flute.

Actually, winter's not all that bad; quite liking the knits of this season. :P