The very fact I'm even writing this seems just all to cliché. It may be better suited to the depths of some inner journal, diary even, but the simple fact I don't own one has meant you all get to see these thoughts.

*cue the thinking music*


What can I say? It's just been that sort of week (well three days, so far). Flashback to Sunday night and I found myself somehow neck deep into a conversation I had never really had, well in any great detail at least. All things I'd thought I'd considered before, dismissed, not for me. You made me question myself. You, without even realising it, had caused a major frame-shift.

"I was going to ask about your opinion."

"That's going to take awhile"

 And, I don't think I can answer that now, even with 36 hours of contemplation. But, I guess it takes some people their entire lives to figure these things out.

And then, by sheer coincidence I found myself having the same conversation with the other party of thinking. And for whatever reason, although in complete agreement, I found myself in defence. Strange. This particular you-tube video (which started the conversation) in all its creative logical argumentative was saying all the things I'd been saying for the past 10 years, and yet I still felt sceptical about the sceptic.

And as if I hadn't had enough I decided I'd catch up on Glee, Season 2 Episode 3 to be exact. And yet more fuel to the fire. And I guess, nothing's really changed, I just felt the need to write down these thoughts for further contemplation.

In some way, I miss the act of going but not necessarily the teachings. And I'll happily admit lulling myself into believing does almost provide a limited sense of belonging, but then the absurdness of someone like me  believing dawns and the feeling vanishes as quick as it came.

Maybe, I need to broaden my experience. Without any offence intended, I think the week-long exposure in June of last year alienated my thinking more than recruiting me, which I'm sure you're going to say wasn't the point, but there was always that element to that experience. I think, going forward, I need to try something less (full on?) for want of a better adjective.

H.