Is it sad that I know all the words to the Ajax Spray and Wipe ad?


PS. GOOOO MATTY! [MC ref btw.]


H.

Sometimes I catch myself thinking; but they're all just numbers on the screen. Then I realise that was the old me and wake up to my situation. Sure, living on borrowed time is nice while it lasts, but sooner or later the world catches you up and demands from you what you cannot give*.

The warning came many months ago when flittering away stores on whims came all too easy, so when the prophecy had fulfilled it's self, like you all knew it would, I find myself perched between the hypocritical and the world I used to know.

Somehow I always knew I wasn't ready to face the world [on my own], simple logic tells you if the loneliness birds circle whilst being surrounded by friends why would things be better when you are alone by definition?

More than anything though, is the waiting game now being played, the apprehension of finding more of those accusatory envelopes of judging nature. Resignation to the fact, what's done is done, the blame resting solely here, and the promise of non-repetition waiting to be broken.


H.


*or want to give

Is this really what you're afraid of?
The so called retribution of the blog entry, and the scathing review?
 ^unsubstantiated claims to which are only theories.

You know what, it really doesn't bother me.
 ^This realization surprises me actually. Upon thought though, I can attribute it to the lack of hope in the first place.



H.

All dressed up with nowhere to go. Story of my life.

'so did you miss me?'
'I was just about to ask the same thing...'
'yeah well its been a while, we haven't spoken in like 4 months?'
'yeah well you never text me or anything...'

and then the realisation that the whole time we've both been thinking the same thing.

H.

And then, back it all came flooding. Ducking hell. Why can't you just leave me alone? Don't you know that i told you i don't care what you think (you must be able to see through my words)?

This is what i should be expecting really.

thoughts of today;

Light Leather is darker than it seems on the dulux colour wall. the sample pot, and associated fun was still worth it.

Having the drill set to turn in the right direction usually makes things easier.

TPG and iPrimus are the most annoying things ever. At least when telstra or optus gives you the shits, you can go to their shop and yell at someone. Somehow yelling down the phone just doesn't have the same effect.

Myer Silver one membership paid off today. $20. :]

new light fittings can change rooms dramatically.

dishes will still be there in the morning, no matter how hard you wish they'd disappear.

white king and white shoes are a match made in heaven.

goodluck to stokes. good to have you back.



H.

thanks. Or not.


H.

 This is not the reason I exist.

This is not the reason I am here.

This is not the reason I belong.

This is not the reason I escaped.

This is not the reason.

You are the reason. and the reason is you.

H.

 SO its been awhile yeah? Miss me? Probably not.

Despite the fact it was almost a non-event, and the way things worked MickeyDee's did eventuate, I was glad I took the train none-the-less. I mean sure, a total traveling time of 3.5 hours for a total contact time of 4 hours seems almost not-worth it, but those golden moments served as reminders why I bothered. And you know what, I didn't even care that you and you and you didn't.

And as for the rest of the proceeding things, I can't understand why we were never better friends to start with? Maybe I was just hanging on to the fading elements of an old story, consumed to the point I was oblivious to anyone/thing else. This is changing, I think. This has changed.



H.

I had some nightmares,
clawing at my skin and bones
I nearly did explode
you smoked the demons,
gave me back my feelings;
now I am good to go
before my face hits the floor,
there's just one thing you should know;

this is for real, this time I mean it
I'm coming clean, please don't let go
I said from the start, that you could take it or leave it
I'd prefer that you keep it;
don't let go,
don't let go,
don't let go.



we tried.
a little too hard, it seems.


J.