"Can people change? I don't know. People are who they are, plus or minus fifteen percent. That's how much people can change if they want to, whether it's for themselves or the people they love. Yeah, fifteen percent. But you know what? Sometimes that's just enough."




J.

You wanted honesty, how about this? I'm sitting here asking myself why I feel this way, why I don't know what to do, why I've already written three posts in the past 2 hours, and I've come to the conclusion its you. For everyone else, all those other people, all those best friends  you're perhaps the one who gets me. I see the way you look at me, the way you talk to me, the way you act around me, and I know we'll be friends for ever.

So much for no expectations ey? And I guess, the fact you're obviously still annoyed with me, and we're both too stubborn to give in, scares me. I've been down this road before, I know where this is headed. I know how that turned out, and I'm not prepared to do that again. Little things are always the beginning of big things.

If its worth anything, I miss you.


H.

but see, I think people are made out for more than disappointment . (J.T. Foo 2011)

I'm trying something new, (in line with the whole new year, new life idea) and its going to be fantastic; just remember this when you next see the new me. As far as life is concerned, I've decided the nice guys do finish last, but they remain to have the satisfaction. I'm not entirely sure which I prefer these days. Satisfaction just doesn't seem as.... satisfying... any more.

So maybe I did influence you, change  you. I'll have you know though, it goes both ways.

I'm not sure how exactly this is going to work, but for the moment I'm trying the opposite effect. I'll report back with my findings soon. In the mean-time amuse yourselves with your own life.


H.

fuck it. someone else do it.




H.

You know I saw a photo the other day, from October 2009, and cringed. It wasn't because I had ridiculous hair, and it wasn't because my ugly face was in it. The simple reminder of that place on that hill invoked feelings of utter disgust. So sure, you might be afraid now, that uncertain future, but you must remember that good friends follow you, the bad don't. And as for that institution, it slips away quietly until you forget it even existed.




H.

The only reason I'm writing this here is because I'm not going to reply(directly) again. I'm not continuing this pointless argument.

It still has nothing really to do with him. It still has everything to do me wanting to keep work here, and not be forced back to hamburgers, (mostly so I can actually see you during the year). It also still has everything to do with me actually achieving that Dr. Harry  dream, and so I'm sorry to say this, but study and exams take priority here.

No reply is necessary.


H.

I'm pretty sure I've mentioned this before, but sometimes I think the day after is almost more enjoyable. Sitting in quiet contemplation, reflecting on the stupid actions, recovering from the night's adventures. Times like these, when all immediate memory seems to be consumed by the fun times makes everything, all this, just seem ok.




H.

You know what, that smile on my face is no indication of feeling. Apart from the fact I'm sick of the way this friendship seems to be working, I'm also sick of you.


H.

For the record though, I maintain my split personality, the divide appearing somewhere near 3030. The quiff and confidence may well be, the insecurity and fear abundant.


H.