Pride can stand a thousand trials, the strong will never fall. A heaving heart is full of pain?

Sometimes, more than others, I wonder who you thought I was. I suddenly feel free, the soaring heights, the anticipation, the happiness. Jump on my cloud, we can float to the sky. You knew me, once upon a time. You don't know me now. I saw your true colours, shining through. Even though I know it's over, even though I know that it's done, I play the melody, on my own.

When I was in the third grade I thought that I was gay
‘Cause I could draw, and my uncle was, and I kept my room straight
I told my mum, tears rushing down my face
She’s like “Ben you've loved girls since before pre-k shrimp” Trippin’, 
yeah, I guess she had a point, didn’t she?
Bunch of stereotypes all in my head.
 I remember doing the math like, “yea I’m good at little league”
A preconceived idea of what it all meant
For those that liked the same sex
Had the characteristics
The right wing conservatives think it’s a decision
And you can be cured with some treatment and religion
Man made rewiring of a predisposition
Playing god, here we go America the brave still fears what we don’t know
And god loves all his children, is somehow forgotten
But we paraphrase a book written thirty-five-hundred years ago I don’t know.



H.

We share something so common
Still so rare, uncommon all
Never been here before
So high, we're still climbing
Even here inside these walls
Breaking each others hearts
And we don't care cause we're so;

In too deep, can't think about giving it up
But I never knew love would feel like a heart attack
It's killing me, swear I never cried so much
Cause I never knew love would hurt this fucking bad
The worst pain that I ever had.

Never knew love would hurt this fucking bad
The worst pain that I ever had.

Outta times when I know I should be smiling
Seems to be the time that I frown the most
Can't believe that we still suffering
Cause I'm slowly breaking down
Even when I hold you close
And if I lose you
I'm afraid I would lose who
I gave my love to
That's the reason I stay around
Even though I fell way.

In too deep, can't think about giving it up
But I never knew love would feel like a heart attack
It's killing me, swear I never cried so much
Cause I never knew love would hurt this fucking bad
The worst pain that I ever had.

Never knew love would hurt this fucking bad
The worst pain that I ever had

And it hurts,
Cause I wanna leave, and you wanna leave
But the loves keeps us together

And if I lose you
I'm afraid I would lose who
I gave my love to
That's the reason I stay around
Even though I fell way

In too deep, can't think about giving it up
But I never knew love would feel like a heart attack
It's killing me, swear I never cried so much
Cause I never knew love would hurt this f*ck*n' bad
The worst pain that I ever had

Never knew love would hurt this fucking' bad
The worst pain that I ever had.

The worst part, this no longer feels like living. 

H.

Come on skinny love, just last the year
Pour a little salt, we were never here
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Staring at the sink of blood and crushed veneer

I tell my love to wreck it all
Cut out all the ropes and let me fall
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Right at the moment this order's tall
 

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And in the morning, I'll be with you
But it will be a different kind
'Cause I'll be holding all the tickets
And you'll be owning all the fines

Come on skinny love, what happened here?
Suckle on the hope in light brassiere
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
Sullen load is full, so slow on the split

And I told you to be patient
And I told you to be fine
And I told you to be balanced
And I told you to be kind

And now all your love is wasted
Then who the hell was I?
'Cause now I'm breaking at the britches
And at the end of all your lines

Who will love you?
Who will fight?
Who will fall far behind?

Come on skinny love
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my
My, my, my, my, my, my, my, my

I guess the ultimate irony is the discovery of a series of never-posted blogs, saying everything I feel I need to. Go me, always efficient.


H.

'Well honestly I'm still slightly confused but thank you for explaining'

'It was very sexual. I got to a point where I just hid the Facebook notifications.'

'I really don't understand that boy at all'

'I can only vaguely remember doing something like that on the Internet, but I can't honestly tell you if it was a dating site or something else now.'

'This is even better than that movie... sorry.'

'Don't ever feel foolish for trusting, that's what relationships are about.'

'I find myself reading up on Blanche. Wow, it fits almost perfectly. Good call.'

This ain't a good time, but when is it ever?
I know the perfect time; but maybe that's never.

You know those mornings you check the weather before leaving the house, trying to decide what to wear? You know it's going to rain sooner or later, but for some strange reason you leave the umbrella at home, probably in an attempt to fool yourself into thinking the morning sunshine would last forever.

I can understand why you're afraid. I can understand how you came to be. But I just still can't understand you.

I'm just not sure when love and hurt began to mean the same thing.


Okay, it's on you. You can hurt me tomorrow.


H.

Every morning I get up, rub my eyes, and look at myself in the mirror; wondering how I got here.

This is the one you've all been waiting for. The one where things are said, later regretted. A passage, where no safe route exists. I simply can't even bring myself to write anything.

Maybe because I'm over all of this.

Maybe because the apathy is just so; I don't even care anymore.

Maybe just because.

Irrelevance is heightening, feelings are quietening, and seemingly somehow love just is not.


H.