you don't get to forget I exist for three months and pretend like we're still friends. That's not how I roll.




H.

you make me feel like I'm livin' a teenage dream. Maybe its because I am?

Sometimes, recently more often than not, I feel like all of this is far from real. Like somehow I'm not who I used to be, grown up, moved on, without realising it. I used to at least try?

Don't ever look back.

H.

Who needs dignity when you've got money. -BLEP

wise words? You be the judge.





H.

I can't help but think of how (good) things used to be when I hear these songs from my past.

Tonight the headphones will deliver you the words that I can't say. These friends are, new friends are golden.


H.

Unlikely.

J.

I don't understand myself.

I have these preconceived expectations, and yet I find myself completely disregarding them. Or maybe I just made all of that up out of an excuse to tell you why I couldn't? Though when I sit back and imagine the married me in twenty years time, all my children are blue-eyed blondes.

Now, the pressure. Sure, not exactly Arian, but halfway there (in comparison). Now I have to deal with what to do before this last week and a half runs out.




H.

I'll be honest, the only thing compelling me to write this is the sheer fact its been so long in between, and as a consequence I really don't have much to say.

(for now at least) I just can't wait to start proper tertiary education again, and to be honest I think it has everything to do with an excuse to escape away from here, and you and you and you. There's also the added benefit of living away from home, and the Torquay surf beach twenty minutes down the road, which could have something to do with it.

H.

I cannot guess what we'll discover, when we turn the dirt with our palms cupped like shovels, but I know our filthy hands can wash one another's, and not one speck will remain.

Why are endings always that much more difficult to mark?


J.

I'd just like to remind you of one small thing, that was no extra mile, just my high standards, remember. But you know what, you're welcome all the same (and I wouldn't have had it any other way). :)


H.

I'm not sure I ever could, you know.

I mean I tried once, and I couldn't bare it. I guess, I'm just not as confident as you. I don't believe in myself enough to feel like I could completely reject the past. Sometimes I wish I could be as brave as you are.


S.

So I felt guilty about not having seen you in months. I guess I still do, but to be honest I'm not sure I want that to change now.

H.

...and for once, honesty. How invigorating. At least someone has the guts to say it to my face. Thank-you.

You're still a part of the new me. Don't forget that.


H.

Just thought you should know the reason why you might not see as much of me around here any more...well those angst posts at least.